Counting the days
by Dontgettoofriendly
Summary: Clarke is all alone, trying to survive a world she doesn't know all on her own. Bellamy is meanwhile up in space, trying to cope with the fact that he left her behind. Some of the missing scenes between Praimfaya and the epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

**Well hello everyone! Who else is destroyed by that season finale, raise your hands! *raises hand as high as possible*  
anyway, since fanfiction is my way with coping, I of course found my way to this lovely site again and was astounished with the lack of fanfics about this finale. So of course this lead me to write my own piece. I hope you like it and don't be afraid to share your thoughts about it. **

**disclaimer: I do not own the 100**

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Day 12

"Bellamy? Raven? Monty? Anyone? Please is anyone there? I can't do this alone."

She felt as if she had bathed in a fire. Everything burned and she was in constant pain. Was she screaming? Clarke faded in and out of consciousness, no idea of time and place. Everything around her ceased to exist until only the pain stayed. She had noticed the radio a few days ago, at least she thinks it was a few days ago, time seems fluid when you are dying. After a few tries she got it working but she was so tired that this message was the only one she could send out before falling back down into the darkness.

Day 72

"Hey Bellamy, remember that sketchbook I found, well I've finally found the courage to draw you. You, Raven, Monty, Murphy, Harper, Emori en Echo. It took me the whole day and I am very proud of the end result. You are all floating in space, between the stars laughing and holding hands. It's beautiful, I think you would like it. Anyways, Clarke over and out."

She put the radio down and looked at the drawing again. She really liked it, carefully she pinned it to the wall above her bed. It wouldn't be long or a whole collection would appear. In the days that followed, drawings of her mom, Octavia, Lexa and so many others would slowly fill the white walls of the room. For the first time, she didn't feel alone when she fell asleep.

Day 100

"Officially a hundred days went by. Not that it is anything special, still a few hundreds to go. But it did scare me a little. A 100 days is nothing in comparison to what I will have to endure till you return but I already feel like I am losing my mind. I'm so alone and I don't know how long before I go insane. I don't know if I can handle the silence anymore. I'm sorry, till tomorrow I guess."

Clarke lost is it after her goodbye and cried for god knows how long. She missed talking to someone, laughing at their jokes. She missed the feeling of love she got from her friends. But above all she missed the feeling of being touched. Arms wrapping themselves around her, shielding her form the world and all its cruelty. A reassuring hand on her shoulder, indicating that they stand behind her. She wanted to feel the heat of another human being, but she knew that that would have to wait for another couple of years and it was that knowledge that broke her everyday a little more.

Day 278

"Bellamy! I did it! I went outside! Of course everything looked disastrous but hey give her time, mother earth will heal. The sky looked a freaky green and yellow and everything around me looked brown and grey, but I have hope. Wow that feels strange to say. It's been so long since I felt hopeful. But anyways, I'm going to investigate tomorrow and maybe in a few weeks I can go to the main land. It's nice to have something to do again and something to look forward to. Maybe I can do it, maybe I can survive. Well, talk to you later. Clarke out."

After radioing in she went to the control room to check all the new data. With the numbers dropping she could try to estimate if they would be safe on the 5 year mark. In the beginning she would be in this room every day, calculating and estimating every possible thing. Now she reduced it by every 3 days. Normally she could have gone outside a week and a half ago, but she just never had the courage to do it. Now with this new adventure, she had a slight bounce in her step and a slight smile on her lips.

Day 365

"Happy deathday for me I guess! It's been exactly 365 days since I should have died. I know that if you are out there, you blamed yourself. For leaving me, for not being there to save me, like you always did. But don't worry, I don't blame you. At first I thought I died and I was happy, of all the ways I could have died in the past few years, dying at the end of the world while saving my friends seemed like a good way to go, not that I regret not dying, at least not on most days. But you know what those sad things have no place on a day like this, now it is time for celebration. Have a drink for me will you!"

If anyone would listen, would they notice the smile on her lips, how her words started to sound less pained? Of course Clarke was far from fine, but she was getting there. Lying on her back in what was once a field but now looked like grey dessert, she looked up at the stars, wondering where the Ark would be now.

Day 459

"I just miss you, Bellamy, and Raven, Monty, Murphy, Harper, Emori, even Echo. I miss you all so much."

On days like these she felt like dying. Clarke didn't cry that much anymore but there were still some days that it was so hard on her. All she wanted to do on a day like that was curl up and cry herself to sleep.

Day 633

"Bellamy! You will never believe what I found! A flower! I know it may seem like nothing, but it means so much to me. The earth is starting to heal, maybe in the future I could eat other things than the few nuts from the storage or the vegetables I managed to grow in the bunker. Anyways my preparations to leave the island are almost ready. I took the boat for another run and now that since yesterday the radio portable is, I can go and search for more green. Well that's it for today, bye."

Day 852

"So Bellamy, today it's been 852 days since Praimfaya. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm all alone, the bunker is silent and so are you. I tried again today, but the rumble was just too heavy. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I just feel so lonely. I don't think I can do it anymore, all on my own. "

That night she slept next to the bunker, making herself belief that her mother was lying next to the wall. Season were still not a thing, so it was always the same temperature, except if a black rainstorm would hit, but those became fewer as time went by. It was still a long way to go.

Day 871

"The rover broke down, again. Now would be an amazing time for Raven to be here, because as I said before I am shit at this stuff. This means I will have to stay a few days, but hey it's not like I've got places to be, people to meet right. That's it for today, nothing else to report. Will you give my best to the rest? I miss everyone so hard. Talk to you later."

She put the radio down and was met with complete silence. Not that she expected anything else. It's not like she had given up hope, more like she had made peace with the fact that no one could hear her or could answer. A little crackle caught her attention. The radio came back to life, but after a few seconds of just static it was silent again.

"Bellamy? Raven? Monty? Anyone? Can you read me?"

This time the radio stayed silent.

"I don't know if this means anyone was listening, but if you were, I am safe. Well as safe as it gets at the end of the word."

She waited for a response, but nothing came.

"Okay maybe I imagined it and no one is listening. Anyways, talk to you later! Clarke out."

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 **Okay oof that was it, at least for the first part. I am working on the next chapter, about our lovely Bellamy**

 **Read and Review and you will be rewarded.**

 **PS: come and hang out on tumblr with me (lifeisforthecrazyones)**

 **lots of love Sara**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello my darlings, me again. Okay so I have this big deadline tomorrow and instead I am doing this, so Bellarke is literally ruining my life and I don't even care. Anyway this is Bellamy's side, I want to keep adding so keep an eye out for more!**

 **enjoy!**

 **disclaimer: I don't own the 100**

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Day 0

"have a drink for me"

Those words came up when he took the bottle of whiskey near the window. She left him shortly after saying those words and he would lose her for 3 months. Now he had lost her forever. Quickly he opened the bottle and took a sip. The liquid burned his throat and warmed his whole body.

"here's to you, Princess."

Later Raven found him, sitting against the wall, facing the window overlooking earth. Silently she joined him, letting the peace and quiet wash over her. They sat there for what seemed hours, not saying a word, just looking at the destroyed earth.

"Are we up for this?" Raven asked almost whispering. The rest of the question left unspoken: are we up for this without her?

"We have to be, we owe it to her." Bellamy answered without looking away from the red ball of death that was once the earth. He passed on the bottle of whiskey and Raven took a swig, quickly turning red and coughing a little bit.

"good stuff" she said between coughs, "Clarke, that one was for you."

Day 19

Monty and Raven were fighting again, nothing new. The last few days they had been trying to make the communication system work, sadly enough in vain. Bellamy didn't intervene, not that that was new either, he didn't do much of anything these days. It looked that without his Head, his Heart died to and no one knew how to help him.

"I don't care that you need to use it for the navigation system! I want to know if someone survived, if we can contact the bunker!" Raven yelled.

"No, doing this will make all the pieces unusable if it doesn't work. It will fry and we will be left with nothing!" Monty yelled back.

"We can at least try, it's not like we don't have time to find something else for the navigation system."

"No, Raven, we cannot risk it."

"ENOUGH!" yelled Murphy, "I don't care what you guys do, but please stop fighting. Let this rest, do something else and we'll see later."

With that he left the room, Emori and Harper behind him. Monty sighted, put the metal parts down and went after the others. This meant that all that remained were Raven and Bellamy, not that Bellamy minded, now he could be down in silence. At least until Raven started sniffing. Bellamy looked up and saw the girl sitting on the chair next to the radio. After a few seconds he stood up and walked up to her. Kneeling down in front of her, he put one hand on her knee and the other on her shoulder, like he did with O when she was younger.

"She should have been here, she always found a way. I can't even keep it together after one fight. She always was so strong, whatever anyone said to her and here I am, crying. Why isn't she here?"

Of course Bellamy didn't have an answer for that. All he could do was hold her and cry with her.

"I know, I miss her too."

Day 56

He had been in his numb state for almost for months when the dream came.

"The only way you can survive is if you use this too." She said from somewhere behind him. But whatever het tried to do, he could not turn around. "Please Bellamy, take care of them for me."

He woke up, shivering from the cold. He fell asleep at the window again. Quickly he stood up and marched to what they called the main room. Upon entering he noticed that only Harper and Monty were missing.

"Okay, listen up. I want a full report on all the systems and there status as quickly as possible. Also Echo, I want you to report about the progress you made at the farm. Murphy, you need help me locking down the last hallway, we do not want to waste air. Is that clear?"

Everyone was dumbfounded. Murphy's spoon still halfway to his mouth, Echo and Emori stuck mid conversation. Even Raven's hand, floating above the panel in the right corner, didn't move.

"Is that clear?" he repeated.

It seemed as if that broke a spell. A chorus of yeahs echoed through the room and everyone hurried to their workplace. When Bellamy looked at Raven, she had a slight smile on her face.

"What? Got something to say?" he snapped.

"Yeah actually I do. The sensors caught something down there. It looks like there is a permanent black rainstorm going on." She answered while raising one brow.

"Can I take a look?"

"Sure." She said while making way for him. "You know, she would be proud."

This brought a slight smile to Bellamy's lips. "I know."

Day 198

He knows the others have been here before, but he never could muster up the courage to come here. For Monty, Harper and Murphy, this place had been their sort of home for a while. First he found his sisters cell, then Jaspers, Monty's, Murphy's, Harpers and even Millers. Other names he knew passed by. Atom, Fox, Monroe, Sterling and on and on it went. When he came to the solitary cells he recognized less names. He found Wells and Finns and after a while Clarke's. He hadn't cried since that dream almost 150 days ago, but when he entered her cell and was suddenly surrounded by her art, he could not take it anymore. He broke down and started screaming his longs out.

"Why did you not hurry back? Why did I leave you alone? Why did you have to die? I can't do it alone! I just can't!"

Suddenly he heard her voice echo down those walls

"I need you."

"Thanks for saving me"

"I was being weak"

"Together"

"Hurry"

It became too much to handle. He closed his eyes and punched the floor with everything in him. And as suddenly as it came stopped the voice and was he met with complete silence.

"I'm so so sorry Clarke." He sobbed

Day 365

He was sitting at the window, bottle of whiskey in hand. Raven was sitting to his right, staring at the earth.

"Here's to you Princess." Bellamy said as he took a swig from the bottle.

Raven took it from him and she too downed a shot. "this one's for you Clarke."

One year ago they left her, one year ago Bellamy lost his partner, his best friend, his everything. They had learned to survive without her, but they wouldn't call it living. Not yet. Time heals all wounds but a wound as large as this would still take a while. They were getting there, helping each other, leaning on their friends. Bellamy still thought about her every day. Every decision he made, was with her in mind. Every night he dreamed about his time on the ground, his time with her. The nightmares had stopped, but that didn't mean he got much sleep. They weren't giving up, cause neither would she.

Day 490

It became a routine, how they lived. Except maybe that since a few days Echo slept next to him. Nothing sexual happened. She knew where his heart belonged, but the held each other. Trying to feel warm again in a place where there was no warmth. It was a matter of convenience, Echo was lonely and so was Bellamy. Sleeping next to each other didn't really change that, but it helped and that was all they could ask for.

After waking up and taking a cold shower he met Raven in the main room. He knew she was already awake and when he came in he found her huddled over a screen looking pensive.

"What is it?" he asked her.

"The clouds, there lifting."

This shocked him, if the clouds were lifting that meant the earth could start her healing process.

"That's amazing!" a little ember of hope warmed his heart.

Smiling he took place next to Raven and they started their daily analyzation.

Day 750

Two years. They officially where twice as long on the Ark then they were on the ground. They were seated at the window again with the bottle of whiskey between them. Deep in thought, sipping the whiskey, like every year. This was their tradition, their way of remembering her. Suddenly Raven jumped up.

"Look there, do you see it?" she yelled.

Confused Bellamy stood up trying to find what made Raven so happy al of a sudden.

"There, that place, it's green. The earth is healing!" she yelled, a real smile on her face

Maybe there was hope, almost halfway. "I see it!" he said smiling.

Day 871

It was one of those days. Nothing happened and everyone was tired. We were all sitting in the main room, trying to keep the algae down. The last harvest wasn't the best, so they tasted even worse than usual. It didn't help the mood at all. The silence was heavy, only broken by the spoons ticking against their plates. So it came as a shock when suddenly the whole room was filled with the sound of static. Bellamy looked strangely at Raven and Monty, who looked strangely at each other. Quickly Raven made her way to the radio station, neglected since it was broken beyond repair, or so they thought. Turning a few buttons the static soon changed to a kind of buzzing.

"We've contact with someone!" she said excited.

But no one expected to hear her voice blasting trough the speakers.

"The rover broke down, again. Now would be an amazing time for Raven to be here, because as I said before I am shit at this stuff. This means I will have to stay a few days, but hey it's not like I've got places to be, people to meet right. That's it for today, nothing else to report. Will you give my best to the rest? I miss everyone so hard. Talk to you later."

A few seconds of complete silence followed as everyone tried to process what just happened.

She is alive. She is alive. She survived. She is alive. Those were the only words Bellamy heard.

Luckily Raven came to her senses and tried to answer her back.

"Clarke? Clarke can you hear me? This is Raven."

Almost immediately Clarke answered. "Bellamy? Raven? Monty? Anyone? Can you read me?"

"Yes! Yes! We read you! Clarke we are so happy you're alive!" Raven screamed in the radio, beaming and almost jumping up and down. Tears were forming in her eyes. Not that she was alone. Everyone started tearing up. Monty and Harper took each other's hand as if they needed a reassurance that this was real.

"I don't know if this means anyone was listening, but if you were, I am safe. Well as safe as it gets at the end of the word."

No one moved. Until Bellamy said what everyone was thinking. "She can't hear us. She survived but can't hear us."

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 **This makes me so happy and sad at the same time.**

 **Please review, I was one of those people that read everything and never posted a review but now I get how important they are. I am doing my best to make a story and if no one tells you what is good and what is bad, you lose interest in writing. I want to keep going in this story, but please tell me what you think, tell me what you want to happen, tell me what you thought about the season finale, just tell me.**

 **lots of love Sara**


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own the 100**

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They lost the signal on day 895 and it felt like Bellamy was losing her all over again. For the last few weeks they tried to make the coms work while listening to Clarke, blabbering on about life on earth. She told them how lonely she was, how she had to dye her hair again, how she saw color returning to earth. She told them how she fixed the rover and was going back to the lab to find some extra tools for next time. And then it stayed silent. At first no one thought anything of it, Clarke had radioed every day at a different hour, more or less, so it was entirely possible she was just running late. But a few hours later a new day started and the coms remained silent. They began to worry. The first few days Raven and Bellamy didn't leave the main room. They eat, slept and worked in silence, hoping to pick up any sound that may come from the radio. Nothing happened.

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Day 899

"Hey Bellamy, nothing really happened, I just drove around some more."

Day 914

"Bellamy, you know, I never thanked you for making me a better person. So, thank you. Other than that, nothing new to say."

Day 925

"I went by the bunker again, tried to move some rumble and failed, again."

Day 930

"This one is not really for any of you up there, not that I know if you can hear me, but this one is just me getting something of my chest. I'm sorry, I am really sorry for everything Wells. You tried to shield me from the truth, because you know it would break me. Thank you for that. When I learned what really happened, I thought I would have time to mend my relationship with you. Little did I know that time is a luxury we don't get on earth. I'm sorry and I will be sorry till the end of my days. I love you, may we meet again."

Since that one fluke almost a 100 days ago, the radio had been silent. It made her believe that no one was listening. She never knew if the satellite had completed its task. For all she knew, she failed and left her people stranded in space. The thought made her feel sick and every day she kept it at bay. Never really daring to think that she was alone, and responsible for their deaths.

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7 days ago, they lost Clarkes signal. Bellamy was returning to his old state, to how he was in those first few weeks. He started isolation himself, or stayed hours anchored at the radio station. He didn't speak to any of them, and if he did he snapped. This went on for days and then weeks. After 3 weeks of silence some began giving up hope. Bellamy didn't, if he gave up, it would mean she was gone forever. Every day started to look the same. Bellamy stood up, took a cold shower, took is breakfast in silence and worked in the morning in the control room. Raven tried to start a conversation every now and then, but was always met with silence. He would skip lunch to work at the radio but after a half hour, Harper would set a plate with food next to him. In the afternoon, he and Monty worked in the algae farm. At night, he would silently lie down next to Echo, sleeping for a few hours and hoping she would wait there in his dreams.

The routine was exactly what Bellamy needed. Every day looked and felt the same. The days seemed to melt into each other and time became a funny idea. It passed at a rapid pace and seemed to drag along at the same time. Bellamy didn't need to think, the only thing he needed to do was breath, which was hard enough on its own.

Day 915

"I need you, we all need you."

Startled he dropped the little box with algae in his hand. Bellamy couldn't look away while the greenish substance slowly covered the floor.

"We need you back, Bellamy. And I mean really back, not zombie you."

This time he looked up, seeing Monty at his usual place. But it was as if he saw him for the first time in a long while. Monty's once shiny hair hung flat and lifeless against his head. His shoulders were slumped and his bones sticking out. His eyes were the most striking difference of them all, once full of mischief and fun, now full of despair and death. The others were silent, not looking up from their food

"You can't do this to us, we just can't…"

It was as if he was transported in time, back to that clearing in the woods. Clarke, beaten and bloodied next to me, begging me to come back with her. Clarke. She was the one that made him a leader. Up until that moment he had never even thought about the responsibility he had gained in those early days. A responsibility he still had and ignored. Bellamy braced his hands against the table in front of him and took a few shuddering breaths.

"She said the exact same sentence to me once, did you know that? It was when we were all high on jobi nuts and Clarke and I were on a field trip. Dax tried to kill me and then Clarke for trying to protect me. I ended up killing him."

A heavy silence followed. No one ever really knew what happened with Dax. Now they knew why. Suddenly Bellamy felt a weight on his hand and looked up to Raven. A small nod was all he needed to go on.

"I was going to run. I mean, I shot the goddamn Chancellor, no way was I going to be granted freedom. But she begged me and said those words. I need you, we all need you. And I listened. She said she couldn't do it without me, like I couldn't without her. I'm sorry, I truly am. I'll do better, for myself, for you guys and for her. I promise."

No one dared to speak, for several minutes only the beeping of the controlpanels were heard.

"Hallway 3 had a problem this morning, we should check that out." Murphy stood up and left without saying another word. Bellamy soon followed. They walked in silence for a while.

"The princess sure knew how to boss you around, didn't she?" Murphy said.

Looking up Bellamy noticed a small smile on the grumpy man's face. He returned it with a half-smile. A half-smile for a half-joke.

"Yeah, you don't even want to know."

Day 944

Bellamy stood up with the strangest feeling, like the end of the world was starting all over again. After his shower, he entered the main room. One look at Raven and he knew his world would yet again fall apart.

"Please, don't."

He couldn't handle whatever news she had. His mind went a hundred different directions, some worse than others. The bunker made contact but Octavia was dead. One of the others fell terribly ill. The systems were malfunctioning. Clarke… Clarke was. No, he shouldn't go there! She was surviving down there, she was alive.

"I'm sorry, Bell, but you need to hear this. We won't have enough fuel left to go back. I will find a way to get us back, but it might take a while. So, don't get your hopes up to that 5-year mark. I will do my best, I just don't know how long."

Bellamy's thoughts were a mess. Longer than 5 years means that his sister and everyone else will probably think there dead. Clarke will have to open the doors alone and lead the survivors with Octavia instead of him. If she survives at all. Everything suddenly became a guess. Their futures unsure. Bellamy felt the need to break something, anything. As if breaking something else would stop himself from breaking again. But he shouldn't, he couldn't. He made them a promise, to be there for them. He could not become the ghost he once was.

"This is not your fault, we'll deal with this like we always do."

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Day 944

The moment Clarke opened her eyes, she knew that this would be a turning point in her life. Why? She couldn't tell, she just knew. Like always she would take her rags, start a fire, put a kettle with water on it and leave for the little stream a 100 meter south. Her camp started to feel like home, with its garage for the rover, little house and shed for storing food and what not. Slowly she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and started to undress. The water was ice cold and woke up her whole body. Afterwards she made her way to the fire. Passing her shed, she heard a hollow thud. Clarkes body reacted before her mind. The rifle, glued to her side, was pointing at the door in a matter of seconds. She stormed inside and was ready to fire.

The rifle fell to the floor.

The sound the only thing to interrupt the silence.

Because for the first time in more than 2 years and a half,

Clarke stared in the eyes of another human.

She was not alone anymore.

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 **Hey guys, I'm soooo sorry it took me so long to post another chapter! My life has been crazy busy and I just didn't have much inspiration.**

 **Anyways, this is still not perfect, English is still not my first language, but yeah well it'll have to do.**

 **Let me know what you think and I hope I can post as soon as possible**

 **Lots of Love, Sara**


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